First vs. the Last

I've been thinking lately how different things are from the first baby you have until you have that last one.  It's crazy how much I've changed as a parent from Landon to Hattie.  When Landon was born, I thought he had to have everything..he was wearing shoes at 3 weeks old, eating baby food at 2 months old and in his own crib/room completely across the house from us at 2 weeks old.  Now, don't get me wrong, some of those changes were just because he was ready (the boy was starving and would not sleep unless he was behind closed doors in his room), but most of his changes were because I was so ready to see the next step and I was ready to see what he could do.  With each child, I've gotten a little more laid back.  I have noticed the most changes with Hattie because she is my last baby.  I know I don't have a chance for these snuggles and baby smells anymore after this.  Well, at least not for many, many years when my babies start having babies (did I mention MANY years??). When Hattie was born, I felt so cheated because she never got to stay in my hospital room with me (because of her sugar levels).  I mean, this was my last chance, but I'm more than making up for it now.  No, she didn't have shoes until she was at least 7 months old and then it was really just to keep her feet warm..she didn't eat ANY baby food until she was 4 months old, and I'm letting her keep that paci until at least 2 years old if she wants it!  I rocked her to sleep every night until she was 10 months old because this is my last baby to rock to sleep.  I didn't do that with the other kids.  It was so important to me to get those healthy sleep patterns down.  Hattie also slept in our room (in her own crib) until 6 months old.  I'd honestly have more kids if I knew Chris wouldn't have a meltdown, but even if I did, eventually, there would be a last baby.  Every little milestone is like a nail in my babyhood days and I can't help but be sad about it.  Even though I'm excited to see her as a toddler and to start school like her brothers, I still find myself getting a little misty-eyed as I give her a bottle.  She is weaning off of them now and will be done within the month.  Do I like washing the bottles every night and buying formula?  Absolutely not, but I love that close connection to her every time she has one.  It's almost unfair how much love and attention the baby of the family gets, but I know it's just a different type of connection than what I have with the other three.  There will definitely come a day when she hates being the baby and hates me loving all over her because she's my last little one, but right now she eats it up and she loves her momma with a fierceness.  I can't help but love her right back!!

Monday, Monday...

To tell you how my day has been, I have to go back to the beginning of last week.  I decided, let's go on a diet.

Mistake #1.

Anyway, I drank over 80 oz of water 5 days last week, stayed under my calories all but one day (only 100 over that day), had a healthy diet shake 5 of those mornings instead of breakfast, went 3 days without any soft drinks at all.  Good, huh?

Fast forward to this morning.  Get on the scale and I'm up 0.2 lb!  What in the world?!  Moments like these make you go crazy.  Fast forward about an hour.  I'm getting Hattie dressed, changing her diaper, etc.  She had pooped so I reach for the wipes and in that 2 seconds, she rips the diaper off, poop slinging on the floor and everywhere else.  Lily looks at her and says, "Pattie, you don't poop in your pants and on the floor.  You poop in the potty.  That's disgusting."

Moral of this story..if your Monday starts out with you gaining weight after a week of big time dieting, you should probably just go back to bed to avoid the poop that is sure to follow you..

Transitions

When you become a parent, there are all types of things you start to worry about..things you never even thought about before you had kids.  One of those things for me has been the way we seem to move around.  I tell Chris all the time, we move more than a military family does.  Even though we joke about it, we never make a move without praying about it, talking about it, and considering all the pros/cons for weeks, months, and sometimes even years on end.  Still, with all the thought that we put into it, I still worry that my kids will be sad one day that they moved around so much or that they didn't stay in the same house forever.  I justify it by telling myself that I didn't live in the same house forever either, and I'm perfectly fine and well adjusted.  But still, that nagging thought is there.  Then, something happens to let you know that you're doing okay.  Since we've moved, we've obviously got to find a new church which is always stressful for me, especially with kids.  So, Wednesday night, we take the boys to AWANAS at the church we've been visiting and Landon and Nixon, without hesitation, walk into a room full of kids that they don't know.  They were perfectly comfortable in a room full of strangers.  Nixon even came home telling me that he made a new friend. I know that not all kids could handle that type of situation.  And it's times like these that God tells me, "you're doing okay with this whole parenting thing and not to worry so much."  My children might not be able to say that they've grown up in one house and that they grew up with family right around the corner, but they will be able to grow up confident and strong in themselves and that makes this momma proud!

Mommy Guilt

Mommy guilt..I think it's one of those things you automatically get once you've given birth.  You know, instead of getting that firm stomach back (which let's be honest, mine wasn't that firm to begin with), you're blessed with a guilt that I'm starting to think never goes away.  Once we become moms, we all make a choice..stay at home, do the part-time work/part-time SAHM, or working mom.  If I had a choice, I'd definitely choose the 50/50 deal.  To me, that's the best of both worlds.  Unfortunately, bad decisions which include getting credit cards in college just for the free t-shirt have made me a full-time working mother!  Don't get me wrong..if I had to choose between working or staying at home full-time, I'd definitely choose working.  That's not even where the guilt begins though because I know I, along with my husband and kids, are a lot happier now than they would be if I stayed at home full-time.  I'm not built for that.  I love my family with every breath in me, but I definitely couldn't be a SAHM.  My guilt comes from not the choice of being a working mother, but the choices I have to make because of being a working mom.  Those moments I know I miss when they're babies and growing so much every day..those days when you send them to daycare with a sniffle knowing they'd give anything to stay home and snuggle with you and the parties you miss at school because you can't leave work.  There's also guilt on the other end too when you stay home because they're sick and you feel guilty that you're leaving your co-workers short-handed.  This mom thing - it's definitely not for the faint at heart, but it's the best choice I've ever made!

Hattie - 10 Months

Hard to believe my little butterball is 10 months old.  Before long, she'll be turning a year old and I'm really not looking forward to that.  I'm coming to grips that I'll always want that one last baby, but Hattie is definitely going to be my last.  I have to say, she's a great baby to end on.  Once we got the right formula for her, it's been pretty much smooth sailing.  She definitely has her days that I want to trade her in, but for the most part, she's such a little love muffin, I just can't get enough of her!

At 10 months, Hattie:
-eats (4) 8 oz bottles a day
-has moved to complete table food.  We keep a few jars of Stage 3 fruits in the cabinet just in case.  If she's really hungry, you can't feed her fast enough which does not work well with table food.  That's when the jars of baby food come in handy
-hasn't quite mastered a sippy cup yet.  She can't seem to figure out the concept even though we've tried just about every cup out there
-wears 12 month clothes
-wears size 3 diapers
-loves to head butt just like Landon used to..you have to watch out because she'll do it even when you're not paying attention
-finally started crawling and she takes advantage of it...she's all over the house keeping everyone on their toes
-pulls up on just about everything..including her crib when she doesn't want to take a nap
-has been trying to type with me on this entire post...I think I'll wrap this up so that I can give her my complete attention!!