To Set the Record Straight

Heard this on the radio this morning and I thought it would make a good blog topic..

I'd like to set the record straight...

• To my precious dogs...I'm glad you two get along so well, but I'd appreciate it if you waited at least until 5:00 am to start playing.  When you wake me up, playing, at 4 because it sounds like someone is breaking into the house, moma is not a happy camper and you're going to go outside at that point.
• To my wonderful husband..I know you don't understand why I'm so emotional about Landon starting kindergarten, but I am, plus I have pregnancy hormones on top of that (I know you're tired of me using that excuse, but when you get pregnant, then you get to tell me there's no such thing) so this adjustment is not going to be easy..just get used to it...I'm going to dwell/stress on it A LOT.
• To my Street Nazi Neighbors..if you're going to turn me into the Homeowner's Association for something, please turn everyone in so that I don't have this complex that I've been carrying around..also, just because you think I'm speeding, that doesn't necessarily mean that I am..I know you're retired, so you're not in a hurry to get anywhere, but some of us actually have jobs and kids to take to daycare before said jobs.  Give me a break once in a while. 
• To my credit card company..I know you put the little payoff chart on there to encourage people to pay more than the minimum balance, but do you realize how depressing that is?
• To the creators of that show, "I didn't know I was pregnant,"...Really, you didn't know you were pregnant?..I don't see how this is possible considering I feel like someone is doing water aerobics in my stomach everyday.  On top of that, there's no way I could go without wearing maternity clothes..do you think you gain weight that quick without there being a reason?

Anything you want to set the record straight on??