Motherhood...

I've been thinking lately how there are so many things that people don't tell you about becoming a mother.  You see people post about how much they love their babies from the first moment they look at them.  I do believe this is true for some because that's how I felt with both of my girls.  What people don't say is sometimes, it just doesn't happen.  And that can make you all kinds of sad.  For some reason, I didn't feel that instant connection with either of my boys. Perhaps, it was the overwhelming feeling of becoming a mother, paired with that crippling postpartum depression that prevented it from happening.  I thought I was prepared, but then came the overwhelming sadness of having my former self just not exist anymore and that threw me for a loop.  Then, when the breast-feeding just doesn't work and you have that guilt..you just want things back the way they were.  But, eventually that fog lifts and you're left with a baby who really didn't know you were sad.  He didn't know you had those feelings that you'll feel guilty about for the rest of your life. It's crazy.  Then, boy #2 comes along and I had all those same feelings, but for different reasons..will my first born still feel important and loved?  Was I ready to have baby #2?  Why didn't I try to breastfeed this time?  Maybe it would've been different? And still, the instant connection doesn't happen.  By baby #3 and baby #4, I think I was so used to being a mom, I was able to truly relax and enjoy those babies from Day 1!  It's sad that it takes some of us longer to figure things out because let me tell you, mommy guilt is real!  And it doesn't matter how well-adjusted or happy the kids are, I still feel guilty for not bonding instantly.  

Time moves on, kids get bigger and more independent.  Then, one day, you're just driving along and realize that your oldest doesn't have to be reminded to put deodorant on or to fix his hair anymore.  In the back of your mind, you know this has to have something to do with starting middle school and that he's probably starting to get interested in girls.  While you're happy that he's finally doing these things you've been nagging about, you're also sad because he's not so little anymore.  You realize that you're having actual conversations now.  He tells you about what's bothering him and these are real problems that he's starting to face.  But then, they still want a hug and kiss at night and you cling to the fact that you still have his heart for a while longer.  

There are times that weekends are so jam packed, everyone is stressed and you're not sure how you'll get through this stage of life.  But, the next moment, you can look at those precious babies and you think to yourself, 'I love them so much it hurts'.  You feel so proud when they do something good and you know that you had a hand in developing that awesome human being.  

Motherhood can be summed up perfectly..the days are long, but the years are short.  

Landon - 11 Years!

My oldest hit the 11 year mark in July.  It's amazing to me how big he's getting. He's changed right before my eyes - from the little boy that would hardly talk to the young man that wants to have real conversations with you.  He still has a heart of gold and can't stand to see his moma cry!    The traits that sometimes drive me crazy seemed to have helped him so far in life.  He's got such a laid back personality that some of the middle school things I was worried about don't seem to bother him at all.  Life seems to get busier and busier every year and I know it's only going to get more so as time passes.  I can't wait to see what he becomes, but at the same time, I just want to keep him that little chubby toddler that couldn't say his L's .  

At 11 years old, Landon:

-weighs 78.8 lbs (38 percentile)
-is 58.5" tall (68 percentile...only 5.5" away from me!)
-has lost any baby fat at all...I mean, look at the numbers above!
-wants to be an engineer when he grows up..that is if the MLB doesn't work out
-wears size 10/12 clothes and size 6 shoe
-favorite subject is math (of course)
-loves to read, but hates reading comprehension...I think he also gets that from me...I love to read, but I don't really like to think about what's going on!
-plays baseball, basketball, and flag football
-has learned to moderate his game time..he spent a lot of time in the summer playing with Legos and he loves to ride his bike
-is riding the bus for the first time - to and from school
-has overcome his fear of changing out in Middle school PE classes
-loves to aggravate Nixon but will be the first to miss the chaos that Nixon creates when he's spending the night with someone

I love this little boy with all my heart and it's hard to imagine how life was before he became a part of our family.

My husband...

This year, Chris was voted Teacher of the Year at his school, Parsley Elementary.  Although this is a really big deal in itself, he had to step out of his comfort zone and prepare a portfolio to compete with the other TOY's in the County.  While proof-reading his papers, I knew he had it in the bag.  I've always known that he's really good at what he does.  You can see it in the way the kids adore him.  He's never wanted to be that PE Teacher that just rolls some balls out into the room while he just watches.  He looks for new games, integrates all the other things from the classrooms that the kids are learning and he's just awesome at what he does.  I hear it from parents, kids, and people he works with.  He's always the one to lend a hand when someone needs help and never complains about when he's put out and has to make different plans at a moment's notice.

Sure enough, after reading his papers in his portfolio, he was chosen as one of the lucky ones to move onto the panel interview for the County.  Although the panel was filled with so many backgrounds, he won them all over.  At the banquet on June 8th, as soon as the presenter started reading her letter, we knew he was the winner for the Elementary Teacher of the Year.  But when they announced him as the County Teacher of the Year, I was beyond proud.  I love that the panel looked beyond the fact that he's a resource teacher and realized that what he does is just as important for the kids.  I've always known it and it's so rewarding to realize that others see it as well.

Not only does he get a new car to drive for a year, he was given so many gifts from local donors.  Now, he gets to move onto the regionals and then State.  I know that no matter what happens, he will continue to be the most awesome teacher that he has always been.

Chris, if/when you read this, I want you to know that there's no one who's more proud than I am.  I love that you're finally getting the recognition that you so deserve!

Hattie - 3 Years!!

My baby is 3!!! It's so hard to believe.  I look at that little face and she's losing all those little baby features that she's held onto for so long.  But, as she constantly reminds me, she'll always be my baby!  I just love her little fat rolls that are hanging on for dear life.  I love that sneaky smile she has.  I love how sassy and sweet she is.  I love how when someone is hurt, she goes up to them and hugs/kisses to make it all better.  She's definitely still a moma's girl and there's nothing better than that!

At 3, Hattie:

-weighs 33.6 lb (75%)
-is 35" tall (10%...that's right..short like Nixon always was)
-loves to play with all her babies still.  She'll lay them all down, cover them up, and pat them to sleep
-is finally potty trained!  This was a battle I was sure would last until college!
-loves to color (mainly on things she shouldn't, but nonetheless)
-loves to sing/dance (although, she will not participate with Mr. Mark at school)
-loves to show me the stretch-n-grow moves, but won't participate at school
-is a mother hen.  She loves to "mother" (aka boss) everyone around
-absolutely loves Maggie still.  I'm not sure how we got so lucky to have a dog to put up with everything that she does...from pulling her tail to laying all over her
-has had 3 haircuts, but still hates to have her hair washed, pulled back or brushed
-is quick to say, "leave me alone" when you pull her hair back
-loves to use the phrase "Bye Felicia" at every moment
-stalls when it's bed time...she'll play for an hour or more when I lay her down at night
-will most nights end up sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag...she loves it!
-will tell you to "call me when you're done" when she has to go poop on the potty (because that's what I would tell her when she first started potty training)
-loves to hug and kiss
-loves to play with her friends at school...no problems at drop off and wants to stay most at most pickups
-loves to swing!
-has plenty of nicknames: Hattie May, Pat, Mooky, Booty, Hattie Lou-Lou, Patty

I just love this huggable, lovable little girl.  I couldn't have asked for a better "baby" of our little family.  She's got plenty of spunk and personality and fits right in with our wild crowd.

Growing Up....

It's still crazy to me to think that I have an almost 11 year old.  Most days, I feel like I'm barely getting myself through, let alone helping to mold four little people that will one day have families of their own.  Landon has always had an old soul and been very grown up.  I say it's the curse of the first born.  But all of a sudden, I'm realizing that my baby is growing up.  He's having actual conversations with me about important things.  He's starting to notice girls and care about what he wears.  I guess I'm probably lucky that we've made it this far and I'm sure because of the older siblings, I won't make it this far with the other three, but still it makes me a little sad.  On the one hand, I'm amazed that he knows things that I have no clue about (sports stats for instance), but on the other hand, I'm sad that we're not talking about which Backyardigan is his favorite (mine was always Tyrone, his Pablo).  I guess this is just that natural flow of life and having kids, but just once, I wish I could hear that little toddler voice again or see him go up to Nixon, rub his head and say, "Ah sweet".  I wish I could go back to those nights when we used to do baths and then watch cartoons for thirty minutes before he went to bed.  I wish that I could go back to when his little chubby hands felt so soft.  I still go check on him every night before bed and all of a sudden, he's taking up the whole bed.  I look at pictures and realize he's only about a foot shorter than me.  I look at him playing with his friends and think that before long, he'll be going out on the weekends instead of sitting by my side.  I love that his sense of independence is growing stronger, but I'll always miss that baby that was glued to my side on the couch.  So, I guess that while we're going through the craziness of life, while there are some episodes that I'm glad to know won't be that way for long, also the joys of it are fleeting. 

Lily - 5 Years!

My Goose is 5 years old!  How did this happen?  It's so hard to believe that the round face little girl in my pictures is the same spunky little girl that I have now?  At 5 years old, Lily:

-weighs 38.8 lbs (43%)
-is 41.75" tall (34%)

She's so excited about going to kindergarten next year..especially since she'll be at school with her Daddy!  She's definitely a Daddy's girl!  She absolutely loves her brothers and sister..almost too much.  She's constantly kissing and hugging all three of them.  She's a girly-girl, but loves to get outside and get dirty with the boys.  She played soccer for the first time this past fall and she's in her second year of ballet/tap.  I love this little girl with all my heart and I can't wait to see what the future holds for her.  

Nixon - 8 Years!

Well, in September, my little Butterbean turned 8 years old.  It's so hard to believe he's 8 when I feel like he should be my baby still.  Although, 2nd grade has been a tough year for Nixon, I feel like we're finally starting to find a good middle ground where he can be himself, but know the limits on when he's supposed to behave and be calm.  At 8 years old, he's the oldest one in his grade (birthday is the DAY after the cut-off), but he's still so small for his age.  His measurements are:

Height - 49.5" (31%)
Weight - 56.2 lb (44%)


He absolutely loves anything science related - animals, rocks, trees, etc.  I think that when he grows up, he'll definitely be doing something nature related.  I'm hoping he'll go into marine work so he can stay right here with his moma!  Nixon is still very much into little boy things..legos, superheroes, and playing outside.  He's always been our little helper and we hear from his teachers all the time how helpful he is to them.  He has the sweetest heart and would give you the shirt off of his back, even at 8 years old.  I love this little boy..even when he's driving me crazy!