Lyrics from the song "18 Video Tapes" by Jason Meadows...
One day little Billy said "momma, where's my dad?"
Fightin' back the tears she said "I knew one day you'd ask."
She walked him down the hallway, to a closet with a safe,
Said "I think you'll find the answer right here, in these 18 video tapes."
See the doctors told him he'd be gone before you were born,
And it broke his heart to know he'd never hold you in his arms.
Determined not to let you grow up learnin' from mistakes,
He put everything he thought you'd need to know, on 18 video tapes.
Like here's the way you hold a bat, Be sure to keep that shoulder back.
And when you cast that rod and reel, Well use your wrist its in the feel.
Or when you learn to ride your bike,
I'll tell you now that you won't like those training wheels,
But your momma will.
That day always momma showed him one of them a year,
Sometimes it was almost like his dad was really there,
Sometimes he laughed, sometimes he cried,
But he always walked away,
Havin' learned another lesson from his dad, in those 18 video tapes.
Havin' learned another lesson from his dad, in those 18 video tapes.
Like when you shave don't get too close,
Lose the hair, but leave the nose.
And when your momma gives you my old truck,
Don't drive too fast or ride the clutch.
Don't listen to your buddies son,
when the conversation comes to the birds and bees,
Just go to tape 18.
Well I just need to tell you one more thing before I go,
It wont be long you'll have a little baby of your own.
Be there for 'em every day, no matter what it takes,
Even you have to put your love on 18 video tapes.
While putting a new picture of Landon in a picture frame in my office today, I discovered, behind the current picture, a picture of him when we was about 10 months old. He was sitting up in his little shorts and t-shirt, pacifier in his mouth, little curls coming out from behind his ears. Curls that I haven't seen since his first hair cut on his first birthday. Where did all my time go, I remember that little baby so well and now he's looking more and more like a little man. He's gone from calling me Mimi to Moma. From giving noseys to saying "Give my kiss". Then, I was reminded of the song above. Every time I hear this song, I choke up. See, that's one of my biggest fears..that Chris or I won't be here to watch our boys (and future children) grow up even more than they already are. I know it sounds silly, but there have been a lot of people I've seen taken away in an instant. None of us knows how many days we have left here on Earth. But instead of dwelling on that, we should learn to live our life to the fullest. Enjoy those little moments with little eyes and ears watching/listening to your every move. Not only those, but the people you're around from day to day. You never know how something said or done may affect someone for the rest of their life. Good or bad, we don't get the choice. Only the choice to act in a way that we can always be proud of. So from here on out, I'm going to try to take a step back and not be in a rush to do everything. That's hardest when you have kids, I think. You want to see the first time they sit up, the first time they crawl and more importantly, those first tentative steps. But, sometimes, you just need to sit back and enjoy the way they look at you with the most perfect love. You're the center of their world. Nothing could be sweeter than a love between a mother and child. And nothing can ever replace it.
